This is probably the most difficult post for me to write yet. It is not because the subject matter is notably more difficult than anything else I have written on here about myself or that I am not educated on being Metis. There is just something attached to that part of my identity and this discomfort. I am proud of being Metis and the heritage of my ancestors being some of the most adventurous and adaptive people in North American history. I love the small northern town of Blind River that my mother came from and is as Metis of a community as you can get. Still, there is this strange dichotomy of wanting to prove myself as an indigenous person but knowing that without colonialism I wouldn't exist. It's a big mixed up bag so let me give you a bit of context.
The Metis are an indigenous group that is found through out North America. When I mean through out North America, I mean from New Brunswick (I am not going to get into the "There are no Metis in Quebec" bullshit in this) to British Columbia and down to the Southern United States. This is due to displacement by European colonists and following the every growing fur trade which birthed the Metis as a cohesive cultural. The Metis were birthed from European fur traders integrating themselves into indigenous communities leading to having children to strengthen this bond. These children were then brought up as go-between for the coureur du bois and the indigenous people. Much of this displacement was based on the promise of being provided arable land only to have that land taken away once European farmers desired it.
The reason for Metis in Southern United States is more defined due to having a distinct event to direct our attention towards. As after the Battle of 1812 many of the French who were defeated fled south, along with many Metis, and these people eventually became the Creole and there are still many cultural similarities between Metis and Creole to this day. As time went on the Metis found themselves creating their own communities and culture as they were being forced between Indigenous lands and European cities. As time went on these communities were forced to hide their identity at the fear of European settlers taking their children away to residential schools or any other sort of action was taken against them. So, the greatest ally for the Metis was to hide in plain sight and make friends where you can.
This mentality has made it increasingly difficult for newer Metis to interact with the culture. What was once a survival strategy is now a hindrance as each generation of Metis are having to figure out this strange balance of pride in their heritage but limited knowledge regarding it. It is especially difficult because we face judgement on both sides. For a long time the Metis were written off by other indigenous groups as simply half-breeds that were trying to weasel our way into government money. Our first ally among the indigenous groups were the Inuit who very much saw a struggle that they went through to get recognized, so big ups to them. All the while the misinformation coming from the colonial establishment had made Metis purely mean "half-indigenous" and thus in public consciousness there was nothing special about being Metis. There was no culture, there was no history, there was just the few things that they had been taught about in a throw away lesson in history class (if that...). So, the Metis that were trying to exist were being denied that.
Internally, the Metis were having a huge amount of other issues as the leadership was being formed. The Metis of Manitoba having been given the reins to lead the Metis due to Louis Riel and the Red River Rebellion as a way to appease that small community. This, however, meant that they were able to dictate who were and weren't Metis. This meant that Manitoba, Saskatchewan, and Alberta were unified against the British Columbia and Ontario Metis. Both British Columbia and Ontario were only brought into the fold of the Metis of Canada due to winning court cases proving our existence, for Ontario that is the Powley Case. Still, to this day there are attempts by Manitoba to diminish the existence of Metis in Ontario and B.C.. Things will hopefully change due to some recent major moves regarding self-governance for the Metis soon, so I am hopeful of that at least.
I think you can understand that it is a difficult issue to come to terms with. The Metis traditionally are diplomats that are able to build bridges and make the most out of a given scenario at any point in time. The problem is that to be the middle man we had to be the European to the European and indigenous to the indigenous. We were always what was needed at the time meaning that our identity was constantly in flux. Which is strange because I know that when I talk to my friends about my identity it is just that. I am who am but that changes constantly. Thus it just feels very hard to "Be Metis" because being Metis means being who you are but who are you are is being what is needed. We were a tool for colonialism, we were a tool for trade, and now we need to turn all of those skills towards existing outside of that context.
There is this new identity that Metis are required to figure out from this context of essentially being brought into the world as tools for colonialism. What can be taken from Metis history is that we've always existed as a community because being Metis is not about blood quantity or other antiquated colonial bullshit, it is about being from or accepted by the cultural community. Which makes it strange for me because I don't jig, I don't fiddle, I don't speak Mitchif (something I should probably look into), or even eat bannock anymore. Still, I'm Metis. The way I look at things, the way I talk to people, my ability to integrate into social scenarios, even the way I build relationships with people. This is not just something I was born with, this is something I learnt from my mother and her side of the family.
Would I like to be more in touch with Metis culture? Of course. It just always feels like I am disconnected from all those other people in the community that fill out the checklist of "Being Metis". It sometimes feels like I am lying to them which I know is stupid but it is the truth. It is also so easy to get disillusioned when you hear about the infighting and the perspective of some people. This all just reminding me of how when I went to an indigenous protest downtown (I believe this was in response to the Colton Boushie shooting) and I managed to find a person there who was Metis but didn't know about the communities in Ottawa. Just hearing them talk about how disconnected they were from knowing their culture and identity while being surrounded by proud first nations people of various communities really did sum up how it feels to be Metis a lot of the time. We spent our whole time talking to people on the protest route about the lack of drinking clean water (still a problem), proper housing (still a problem), the amount of indigenous women that have gone missing (there is a highway called the "highway of tears" because of how big a problem this is), and the police shooting of indigenous people (still a problem). It just felt like this is what we do, we make allies rather than fight enemies.
So yeah, being Metis is a big mixed bag of things. Being a facilitator of colonialism all the while being a victim of it, having a culture of hiding your culture, and having to find your place in a community of people finding their place. So it is taking me some time but I really want what I do to be Metis. Whether it is writing, streaming, casting, whatever I end up doing. It is Metis because I am Metis.